Yes, dear reader, today I got home from work and decided to throw down the gauntlet, to myself. Chef Clue-San, I said to myself, you have one pre-cooked cauliflower dish, one tupperware container of pre-cooked lasagna noodles, one eggplant, and one hour of inspiration with Michael Jackson’s Dangerous Album. Can you make dinner that does all of the following: (1) avenges last week’s lasagna failure, (2) uses absolutely all of the players on Team: Fridge Rejects, and (3) pays homage to a middle-eastern appetizer?
Yes, Chairman Clue, I responded, to myself, or possibly to my cat. I can and I will.
Dear reader, I killed it, and I am now enjoying the spoils of my victory while documenting the process for your enjoyment. Brace yourself.
Imam Bayildi Lasagna with Roasted Cauliflower a la Najib
The recipes that have inspired this venture include Imam Bayildi (translated, “The Imam Fainted”), an eggplant, onion, tomato and olive oil appetizer, the incomparable Najib’s Special, a crispy, lemony, deep-fried cauliflower dish from Vancouver’s Nuba Restaurant, and my own mother’s long-standing lasagna recipe, which she sometimes just calls “Sauce-Noodles-Cheese-Noodles-Sauce-Noodles-Cheese-Noodles-Sauce”… I have no idea why.
LASAGNA or TEN STEPS TO TOTAL FULFILLMENT USING ONLY THE B-TEAM IN YOUR FRIDGE
STEP ONE: Saute some onions in a giant pot, like so. To give this the middle-eastern flavour I am looking for, I added cumin seeds and coriander, then sun dried tomatoes, and kept them going long enough to get transluscent, even a little golden. Does this involve olive oil? Yes, yes lots of that.
Step One: Onions (Note: this is ALWAYS step one)
STEP TWO: Add tomato paste, water, reduce heat. Begin flavour party!
Step Two: Tomato pasty, Very Tasty!
STEP THREE: Roast an eggplant’s worth of eggplant wheels on a cookie sheet (each 3/4 inch thick or so, at 350 for a while, flip once of twice). Cover in lemon juice and salt, then broil a bit longer. Pretty! They look like cookies!
Roast some eggplants. Feel smug.
STEP FOUR: Lay down a pre-cooked lasagna noodle in a glass loaf pan. Brush the pan with a little olive oil and lemon juice, if you’re into that kind of thing. (Note: these are pre-cooked lasagna noodles, as in I cooked them last week and then refrigerated them, not as in “pre-cooked” or instant, type.)
STEP FIVE: Fill ‘er up with the cottage cheese from your fridge. Yeah, right, were you really going to eat that, at the office, for lunch? You should thank me for forcing you to use it all up!
Step Five is where you break out the cheese
STEP SIX: Wilt, chop, and marvel at spinach. Throw a clean, trimmed bunch onto a cookie sheet as the oven pre-heats to prep it without using another element on the stove-top.
Step Six: Spinach!
STEP SEVEN: Lay on the Layers, Players! I did this: Noodles, Cottage Cheese, Spinach, Noodles, Cottage Cheese, Sauce, Eggplant slices, Noodles, Eggplant slices, Sauce. My mom does not approve.
Step Seven: Layers - or whatever
STEP EIGHT: Do not pass GO until you add parmesan cheese to the top. Of EVERYTHING.
Step Eight: Sprinkle the love
STEP NINE: Throw it in the oven, at 350, and put on a good album. This is a good time to dance around a bit, play with your cat, confirm that there is nothing good on TV, check Facebook, and finally, clean up your kitchen, you lazy slob.
STEP TEN: (Protective hand-wear recommended!) Remove hot lasagna from oven.
Buen Provecho!
THRICE-COOKED CAULIFLOWER A LA NAJIB
Yes. YES.
- Trim and steam a head of cauliflower. Enjoy as much steamed cauliflower as you can eat. Refrigerate unused florets for 2 or 3 days.
- Then heat a bunch of olive oil in your heavy pan, and drop cauliflower florets into hot oil . As they fry and crisp up, soak them in lemon juice and salt. Enjoy as much lemony fried cauliflower as you can eat. Refrigerate unused florets for 2 or 3 days.
- Now, you are ready to make this dish. Simply place your twice-cooked cauliflower in a cake pan. Throw it in the oven while the lasagna cooks. Simple!
FINAL WORDS of ADVICE FROM IRONIC CHEF CLUE-SAN:
Enjoy this meal with Queen’s Greatest Hits and a faraway look in your eyes.
LO-OVE Najib’s special! Mmmm, this sounds like a sexy meal…